Posted by: mutantpoodle | November 28, 2007

Toast

toastIt was Elvis Patterson of the New York Football Giants who first, to my knowledge, earned the nickname Toast. (I put that “football” in there for those of you whose sports happy place involves the Baseball Giants at the Polo Grounds, the Dodgers at Ebbetts Field, the Colts in Baltimore…well, you get the idea.)

Anyway, Patterson performed, um, badly against the Chicago Bears, getting burned over and over again. Hence the new and somewhat cruel moniker.

Toast version 1.0, meet Toast 2.0 – the candidate formerly known as Rudy Giuliani.

The Politico is reporting that travel expenses related to visits Giuliani made to current wife and former mistress Judith Nathan were parceled out to obscure city departments.

That’s right: Mr. & Mrs. New York City subsidized Rudy’s fling.

I have been hard on Giuliani for a while – but I wouldn’t have thought him to be so arrogant stupid as to ask New York City’s taxpayers to ferry him, with security, to his trysts on Long Island.

Apparently, I underestimated the man.

You have to believe that this is the death knell for his campaign – I mean, Republicans have some standards, don’t they? Anybody? Anybody? Bueller?

Really, how does a values voter who has decided that Rudy’s fidelity-challenged nature is less important than his willingness to waterboard Hillary Clinton also accept – what’s the word I’m looking for here – fraud? Because that, folks, is what it is. People get fired for this kind of stuff – I’ve seen it – and the dollar value of this particular indiscretion, at over $30k, puts it in the felony range.

Now, for a moment, I’ll be kind. Maybe he needed to take all those cops with him. Perhaps Judy was mad at him and he was concerned for his safety. In that case, he fudged expense categories – also a no-no – to keep his affair a secret.

So let’s add it up. Here’s a guy on his third marriage, who informed his second wife via press conference of their divorce, whose own kids don’t support him, who used the city’s emergency command center to meet the fair Judith on the sly when he wasn’t shuttling off to Long Island and mis-categorizing away those expenses to protect his secret, who hired a police commissioner with mob ties who has now been indicted, and then pushed that same man (who used a condo that was supposed to be a crash pad for 9/11 rescue workers to hook up with Judith Regan) to run the Department of Homeland Security, and who claimed he had spent as much time at Ground Zero as most rescue workers.

If he isn’t toast, the Republicans can’t cook.

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